Monday, November 19, 2012

Thankful

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I, like many others, am reflecting on what I have to be thankful for. I lost something this year. I lost my parents. No, they didn't die or anything like that. They are just no longer in my life. They have crossed some serious boundaries as far as interfering with my parenting. I invited them to discuss the difference in opinion with my fiance and I. They ignored my invitation and we haven't spoken since. That was in August. That was also the 2nd time they interfered with my parenting on a huge scale. The first time was Thanksgiving last year.

So anyway, we're doing our best to move on from that. Honestly, it's OK. I was never super close with them much anyway. While growing up, they didn't really want to be bothered by me, and when I turned 18 and left to go raise my oldest son and be with my ex-husband, they pretty much wrote me off for 8 years. With them it's their way, or nothing.

Thanksgiving 6 years ago, I had just left my ex-husband and moved to AZ a few months before. I spent it with my parents and my children. I was depressed and lonely, emotional wreck. I didn't feel like I had much to be thankful for that year. I met my fiance 2 months later.

Thanksgiving 5 years ago, I had moved to Mesa to work, and a week before and moved into my very first apartment that was just mine. My kids were living with my parents until I could get settled in. I spent Thanksgiving with my kids at my parent's house. I felt like an out of town visitor.  My daughter would come live with me after New Years, and my son would come live with me at the end of his school year. We visited every other week.

Thanksgiving 4 years ago was my first year spending it with my fiance. The kids were living with me, and I was finally starting to feel settled. I cooked at his house for him, his mom and brother. His mom slept through Thanksgiving. I must admit, I was kind of hurt by the thought that she didn't care less about it. She wandered in after everyone was done eating and everything was over. She slurped and slobbered a cold Thanksgiving meal by herself.

Thanksgiving 3 years ago, was the 2nd year spending it with my fiance. The kids and I lived with him at that point. His mom was living next door at that point, and slept through Thanksgiving again. This year I was grateful to not have to watch her eat.

Thanksgiving 2 years ago, I had just found out that I was pregnant about a week before. We were so excited and hopeful for our surprise baby. I remember being so cheery and just happy. 2 weeks later I miscarried our angel at 7 weeks. It was the worst thing I have ever been through.

Thanksgiving 1 year ago, I was 8 months pregnant with our baby boy, Jacob. Because of our loss the previous year, we were cautious with our emotions and attachment to this pregnancy. My fiance wouldn't even acknowledge much that I was even pregnant or talk about our baby until we found out what we were having at 19 weeks along. After that he went nutso buying baby boy sports outfits. I, on the other hand, felt like maybe planning for a baby, by buying clothes and stuff might jinx it. I was happy, and hopeful at the same time. And, I was so flippin' tired! We drove up north 4 hours and spent it with my parents. We've only seen them once since then.

Thanksgiving this year, I have everything I need. I am the happiest I've been in all my life. I have my baby boy, Jacob. He will turn 10 months old the day before Thanksgiving. He is amazing. When I look at him I think, wow. How lucky am I to be blessed with such a beautiful boy? My daughter, she's amazing. She's smart and funny and caring. She's a good athlete, and she just tries her best to make everyone happy. And my fiance. I do love him the best of everyone I've ever met. He is a good guy and sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky to meet a guy like him. I know he feels blessed that he got a chance at the family and children he wanted for so long. We got engaged this year. I feel complete. I have everything I've ever wanted, and for this I am thankful.

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