The difference 7 years makes

I never thought I’d end up here. I’m not perfect, and neither is my life but it is good. I have a good job, make decent money, I’m getting married in 86 days. I have a baby who is almost 1 year old. I have an amazing daughter who is the daughter I always wanted to have. I have a good car; an SUV. I am, by all accounts, a happy girl.

In January of 2006, 7 years ago, I was still married to my ex. I was tremendously unhappy. I did one of the worst things I ever thought I could do. To this day, I can not forgive myself for that. No, it was not cheating on my then husband. It was something worse. Anyway, it was a reality check on my life and my marriage. We weren’t living right. I put up with too much, and let my kids suffer through too much, just to keep a bad marriage together. Somehow, I thought that the more of my own happiness I sacrificed, the better my marriage would be…someday. That someday never came. The ex never changed. He never tried. He just kept expecting me to give, give, give, while all he did was take. There was nothing in this marriage for me anymore. No happiness. No love. He wasn’t even a good dad, so there was no point in staying together for the kids.

When I left him, I left to a new state. An AWFUL  state; Arizona. I also did it in the middle of summer. That’s when you know it’s bad when AZ in the middle of summer is better than your marriage. I had no job and no friends in AZ. I also had no money. To top it off, my ex called me constantly to make me feel like shit for leaving. I did feel like shit. I couldn’t find a decent paying job. I had no way to meet people or make friends. That was my rock bottom. I couldn’t see the light of sort of happiness (besides my kids) in my future.

That’s why I am simply astounded at where my life is now. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. I am blessed.