Monday, November 19, 2012

Thankful

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I, like many others, am reflecting on what I have to be thankful for. I lost something this year. I lost my parents. No, they didn't die or anything like that. They are just no longer in my life. They have crossed some serious boundaries as far as interfering with my parenting. I invited them to discuss the difference in opinion with my fiance and I. They ignored my invitation and we haven't spoken since. That was in August. That was also the 2nd time they interfered with my parenting on a huge scale. The first time was Thanksgiving last year.

So anyway, we're doing our best to move on from that. Honestly, it's OK. I was never super close with them much anyway. While growing up, they didn't really want to be bothered by me, and when I turned 18 and left to go raise my oldest son and be with my ex-husband, they pretty much wrote me off for 8 years. With them it's their way, or nothing.

Thanksgiving 6 years ago, I had just left my ex-husband and moved to AZ a few months before. I spent it with my parents and my children. I was depressed and lonely, emotional wreck. I didn't feel like I had much to be thankful for that year. I met my fiance 2 months later.

Thanksgiving 5 years ago, I had moved to Mesa to work, and a week before and moved into my very first apartment that was just mine. My kids were living with my parents until I could get settled in. I spent Thanksgiving with my kids at my parent's house. I felt like an out of town visitor.  My daughter would come live with me after New Years, and my son would come live with me at the end of his school year. We visited every other week.

Thanksgiving 4 years ago was my first year spending it with my fiance. The kids were living with me, and I was finally starting to feel settled. I cooked at his house for him, his mom and brother. His mom slept through Thanksgiving. I must admit, I was kind of hurt by the thought that she didn't care less about it. She wandered in after everyone was done eating and everything was over. She slurped and slobbered a cold Thanksgiving meal by herself.

Thanksgiving 3 years ago, was the 2nd year spending it with my fiance. The kids and I lived with him at that point. His mom was living next door at that point, and slept through Thanksgiving again. This year I was grateful to not have to watch her eat.

Thanksgiving 2 years ago, I had just found out that I was pregnant about a week before. We were so excited and hopeful for our surprise baby. I remember being so cheery and just happy. 2 weeks later I miscarried our angel at 7 weeks. It was the worst thing I have ever been through.

Thanksgiving 1 year ago, I was 8 months pregnant with our baby boy, Jacob. Because of our loss the previous year, we were cautious with our emotions and attachment to this pregnancy. My fiance wouldn't even acknowledge much that I was even pregnant or talk about our baby until we found out what we were having at 19 weeks along. After that he went nutso buying baby boy sports outfits. I, on the other hand, felt like maybe planning for a baby, by buying clothes and stuff might jinx it. I was happy, and hopeful at the same time. And, I was so flippin' tired! We drove up north 4 hours and spent it with my parents. We've only seen them once since then.

Thanksgiving this year, I have everything I need. I am the happiest I've been in all my life. I have my baby boy, Jacob. He will turn 10 months old the day before Thanksgiving. He is amazing. When I look at him I think, wow. How lucky am I to be blessed with such a beautiful boy? My daughter, she's amazing. She's smart and funny and caring. She's a good athlete, and she just tries her best to make everyone happy. And my fiance. I do love him the best of everyone I've ever met. He is a good guy and sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky to meet a guy like him. I know he feels blessed that he got a chance at the family and children he wanted for so long. We got engaged this year. I feel complete. I have everything I've ever wanted, and for this I am thankful.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Don't forget who pays you

There is an epidemic going around. It's an epidemic of entitlement. We are in an era of hatred for those who have more than we do. I can understand jealousy. We all want more than we have; its human nature. It's what we do with that want that separates us. Many of us choose to live out the "American Dream" and at least strive for more. Then there are the others who feel that they are just entitled to to receive the fruits of someone else's labor. Why is it that people feel this way? How is it that people have the attitude of, "why should I"? How did we become a nation full of laziness? Where in our past did we go wrong? Where did this attitude start? How did a generation of parents go so wrong in teaching their children that they don't have to work hard for success; that it will just be bestowed upon them. Whoever these people are, I have a message for you; YOU FAILED!!!

So while the greedy and lazy masses are hating big corporations for having big money, where do they think the welfare money comes from? These heartless and faceless corporations employ hundreds, if not thousands of people. Hard working people feed their families with these wages. And, the money they pay in taxes contributes to welfare. But yeah, lets boycott and shut them down. That'll teach them to earn money.

Small business. We've heard that "they didn't build that". Apparently they are not responsible for their own success. So when individuals lived off practically nothing, worked late into the night, and sacrificed time with family to build their business from the ground up, lets not give them credit. Lets tax them some more because overpaid union workers paved the streets around their building! And lets not forget, these small business owners, who didn't build that, still pay taxes...that contribute to welfare.

So when you're waiving your pitchforks in the air, shouting to bring down the businesses, don't forget who pays you. If they stop working and generating income, welfare stops. You can't collect money when there is none. Lets try some appreciation for the people who contribute to you. Instead of constantly insulting them, lets just try to be appreciative of the help. And maybe one day we can ALL work, and then no one would be dependent upon the system.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Yes, I DO deserve a medal for natural childbirth

I'm on a childbirth site forum. There was a post a while back about people writing about their birth experiences. I won't bore you with mine (in this post) but some woman commented that she had an epidural and LOVED IT. And then she went on about how women who had their babies naturally felt self-righteous and acted like they deserved a fucking medal for going without meds. 

Yes, I DO deserve a medal for natural childbirth. I also deserve a trophy, a certificate of honor, a Heisman, World Cup, and a fucking Nobel Peace Prize. I also deserve a Pulitzer for this blog post, damn it! 

See, women who have never had a child naturally feel some guilt and possible have some sort of inferiority complex. They feel inadequate as women because birthin' babies is what a woman's body was designed to do. Now don't get all women's lib on me. These are the facts, Jack. There is one indisputable fact here, and it is that women have a uterus. Babies grow in a uterus. Of course, women can do many other things in life, but you can't argue with nature. 

So anyway, back to the point. I don't come from a place of ignorance when I say this, because I had a medicated birth with my oldest. It was by far the WORST of my 3 births. 2 of which were without meds. I was young and uninformed about childbirth. When I got older and studied up on the actual process when I was pregnant with my 2nd, I found out how much harm I was doing to my baby's tiny little body with all those drugs. My motherly NEED to make sure my baby was safe outweighed any fear I had of the unknown of natural childbirth. 

With my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies I went to class for 12 weeks. I studied, and learned. I practiced exercises and mentally prepared for this journey of child birth. It's not like I got pregnant and then decided I would just go squat in a corner like some 3rd world villager. I worked for this birth. I earned it. And let me tell you this; it was hard work, but not terrible. It was beautiful. I have never run a marathon, but I can only imagine the sense of pride is comparable after all that work and dedication.

It wasn't a breeze by any means, but it required focus. I earned my prize of a healthy baby girl and boy. They weren't all drugged up and dopey when they were handed to me. I wasn't paralyzed from the waste down or too out of it to even know what happened. I was there and present in body and mind. I felt good and healthy and I was able to get up and walk soon after. 

I am proud of me. I did it by myself. I did what nature had planned for my babies and I. I never felt like more of a complete woman as I did when going through that. So anyone who wants to say that natural mommas don't deserve any credit, fuck them. When you have walked in my shoes and done what I've done, then you can talk. Until then, shut it. We all know that you're afraid of the pain, and that's ok. But don't judge those who have overcome the fear and come out on the other side, stronger.